Young Emile is not the only man to feel he can no longer serve his country effectively. In 1936, after just 325 days as King, Edward VIII or Edward Albert Christian George Andrew Patrick David, as he was more commonly known, abdicated from the throne. There is a theory that he had developed a multiple personality disorder through his multitude of names, however the reason given at the time was that Edward had fallen in love with an American. A foolish nonsense. Her name was Wallis Simpson and as a divorcee it had really raised some eyebrows across establishment circles.
However the story may be more complex when one looks at more recent evidence, with files having been released by the FBI, MI5 and MI6. It appears there were concerns that Edward VIII was indeed a passionate believer in the Nazi cause. Wallis Simpson was known to have had affairs with leading members of the Nazi party and Edward was certainly thought to be under her thumb. As well, at times, as under other parts of her body, including her fascist boobies. He was monitored closely by Special Branch and in July 1936, when he was King, an assassination attempt was made on his life by an Irishman, who claimed to be working for MI5. At the time MI5 denied this, but it is now believed the claims were true.
Eventually at the end of 1936 Edward Albert Christian George Andrew Patrick David became the first King to abdicate out of choice. He stated,
"I now quit altogether public affairs and I lay down my burden. It may be some time before I return to my native land, but I shall always follow the fortunes of the British race and empire with profound interest, and if at any time in the future I can be found of service to his majesty in a private station, I shall not fail."
In the mean time, Adolf Hitler had noted Edward's penchance for the Third Reich and the master race. In 1937 he was invited to Germany and enjoyed filming a celebrity episode of Come Dine With Me, with everyone's favourite dinner guests, Goebbels, Himmler, Goering and Hitler. The episode was famous for Goebbels convincing everyone that marmite made for a tasty garnish.
Below is a picture of Hitler welcoming Edward and Wallis Simpson to his pad during the show. He apparently served a very spicy Swastikka Massala.
Over the next few years Edward would make a number of blunders including giving away to the Italians at a ball, that the Americans had deciphered their code system, telling the Germans where the weak point of the allies was on the Maginot line during 1940, and giving an interview to an American magazine where he blamed the Jews, farmers and Roosevelt for the ensuing world war. Pretty tough on the Jews and Roosevelt.
Eventually it was thought that he would be less of a liability hidden away. Churchill decided to send him to the Bahamas where it would be impossible for him to cause further trouble. He lapped up the challenge, setting the bar for his one time successor Prince Phillip, immediately finding new ways to be a cheeky little chappy. He said of Étienne Dupuch, the editor of the Nassau Daily Tribune in the Bahamas,
"It must be remembered that Dupuch is more than half Negro, and due to the peculiar mentality of this Race, they seem unable to rise to prominence without losing their equilibrium."
It is not believed that Edward had seen the photo of Emile Heskey, above, at this time. It is also widely acknowledged that Emile Heskey and Edward VIII, despite both turning their back on England, had little in common and may not have been friends. Emile will always be the better man, although Edward Albert Christian George Andrew Patrick David does have as many names as Emile has goals for his country.
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