The British were considered to be notoriously handsome by their enemies even when heavy snow turned the weather cold
Back in February 1945 there were thousands of others who had exactly the same idea as me. It was the coldest winter since records began. Of course the Nazis had burnt all records and so the records only actually went back to the previous winter. However with hindsight, meteorological messiahs have managed to ascertain that it was probably the coldest winter in 50 years. Brrrrrr. The Allies were on the front foot, with the western front fast closing in on the Third Reich (the First and Second Reich had long since been put on their toes) , and the Russians, well they were storming in from the east in desperate search of the German who provided them with inaccurate data on the chances of defeat in their new favourite game, 'roulette'.
The inevitability of a German defeat was starting to draw it's fat lady, however rations were so slender that they had to use up a number of Red Cross parcels to complete her. A systematic process began, led by the SS, to steal British rations and complete her. Thousands of captured allies were being held in eastern Germany and Poland, the theory being that the further away that they were from Britain, the less likely they were to attempt an escape. Many had been tucked away behind the barbed wire since being captured at Dunkirk in 1940, unsure whether they would ever be freed or the Allies would ever arrive.
The Germans steal British POW rations to complete their fat lady
They would sometimes receive letters from home, asking what the German beer was like or questioning whether they were being faithful to their loved one(s). Despite such assumptions from back home, it wasn't actually the largest stag-do to hit Europe before Easyjet opened up routes to Prague. Food was in scarce supply, few were ever allowed out of the camp on working parties, and they had to conjure up their own entertainment once their Playstations batteries had expired.
High Jinks: A British POW attempts to lift a barrel and two comrades with just his front teeth
As the Russians descended upon them, the Germans got themselves into a right kerfuffle. And who can blame them. The Russians are notoriously average lovers as most James Bond movies will testify to. And so the Germans dragged out all the Allied Prisoners of War ("POW") in the middle of the night and started marching them in minus 17 degree temperatures, emaciated, for a short 500 mile trek. Those who slowed were shot. At night they often slept outdoors. If they took their boots off the boots froze and they were forced to go barefoot. If they left their boots on, frostbite was their friend and they lost their feet. Adolf, cheeky damned sod that he'd now become, even urged his camp commanders to make the POWs walk without trousers. High jinks indeed. But rightly this was considered to be sexual harrassment with political correctness being at an all time high during this period.
Many hundreds died in these long walks across Germany. It's never been clear why the Germans marched so many prisoners across the crumbling nation. It was a strain on their resources both in terms of manpower and in rationed food. Perhaps they wanted them as hostages. Perhaps the fanatics of the SS wanted to murder them all. But there is a genuine suggestion that the Germans believed much of their own propaganda, that the Russians would treat the prisoners badly, and that eventually, the allies would join them in fighting the Red Army.
Footnote: The Allies would go on to win World War Two. The snow eventually melted.
